HR Undercover

I was a lifeguard on the beach. I managed the Junior lifeguard program. We had 300 participants, ages 12 – 17. For two weeks I ran an overnight camp for these kids on a surf beach adjacent to a marina. The surf beach on the south was separated from the marina by a breakwater that extended at least 800 yards out into the water.

After two weeks of sleeping in a pup tent on the sand with a new group of kids each night it was finally time to break camp. A high surf warning was raised on Saturday causing the guards to close down the area of the beach that we were camping at. Sunday morning we awoke to a southwest swell pounding the breakwater with waves cresting at 14 feet. My boss had made the trip the night before to observe the operation and help with breaking camp.

We were loading the last of the canoes on the trailer in the parking lot when we heard faint cries for help. I scanned the water and near the end of the breakwater a man was being hammered by the waves and being pushed into the rocks. There were no local lifeguards on duty so it was up to me and my boss to respond. Joe tossed me a rescue tube and said lets go. I quickly shed by denim jeans, tossed the rescue tube shoulder harness on and sprinted across the parking lot, across the sand, past Joe and scrambled onto the rocks of the breakwater. Joe yelled after me “Be very careful”. I finally took my eyes off of the victim to look down to insure my footing on the giant breakwater rocks. It was then that I realized I was stark ass naked. Yup after two weeks of camping I had gone “commando”.

At this point I was committed. I continued out to the end of the breakwater where the bloody, 1/2 conscience victim was clinging to an outcropping of rock. As per my training I prepared to launch myself onto the crest of the next wave so as to avoid injury. I assured the drowning man that I was coming for him. I am not sure what he was thinking but he looked up at me and said “I think I will be all right”. I knew different. The fellow would have been done in seconds. Perhaps he was trying to avoid any ultimate humiliation or violation prior to his demise………..I don’t know. The rescue was completed and after a 1,000 yard swim around the breakwater and to the non-surf beach we arrived to waiting rescue vehicles, a towel and a round of applause…….I still wonder what that poor man was thinking.

I own an independent sales company in the garment industry. One of the lines I represent is owned and manufactured in India. The owners hired me sight unseen so they were unaware I was 5 months pregnant at the time. I instinctively knew it would be fatal if I revealed my state as they were not accustomed to working with women much less one who was in charge of their most profitable territory. After 4 ½ months my company had more than doubled their sales and I had given birth to a healthy baby boy. The owners phoned to set up a meeting with me to plan next year’s production. At the meeting, all went well, we shook hands and I was happy the whole pregnancy thing hadn’t come up. I was entering the elevator with the two men when a friend gasped and pointed at my chest. There I stood with 2 very large milk soaked breast spots on the front of my dress. I can only imagine what the five men talked about on their return flight to India.

I’ve been an RN for over years and believe me I’ve seen heard and smelled a lot! Visually and mentally. Working in a high economic area, we have many women who truly do NOT want childbirth to be truly one of “Labor” let alone pain or anything else that might mess their hair or create unfeminine noises, smells etc. Recently a slightly “over done” woman was on the verge of getting uncomfortable and requested an epidural to ward off the pain. Fortunately that was accomplished and soon after she requested an exam to be able to evaluate how “much longer.” Upon examining the mother to be, a very loud noise was produced “down there” (as one not only loses sensation, but also “control”). She sat up as much as she could, looked at me and said “Did YOU do that”?.. I looked up towards her face and thought “Are you kidding me?” But to continue to keep the peace and have her feel “pretty” came back with “Sure, I’ll take the heat, of course it was me farting”. Please….

I asked an employee to “fax this paperwork over to our customer, “Bob”…ASAP!!! Later, I found the paperwork that had been faxed sitting next to the fax machine. The cover sheet was addressed to Bob Asap I said to the employee “Oh, you didn’t? You just called our customer A SAP!!”

Friday evening, I forgot something at the office. I came back to retrieve it and found blankets rolled up on a chair in the sales office. I immediately thought that someone had broken into our office to find a place to sleep (it was the beginning of a long holiday weekend). As I looked across the room to determine what was truly going on, I saw clothes and a pair of shoes scattered around the room. I quickly realized that the clothes matched that of one of our sales reps as he had worn them to work earlier that day. The police were called and we (my husband and myself) had to meet them there when we knew for a fact that the employee was in the office (well after business hours). As it turned out, the employee had been living in our office for quite some time. His desk was his medicine cabinet, he had work-out equipment hidden all over the office, and he had small kitchen appliances hidden as well. I’m sure it seems as though it should have been very obvious that someone had been living there, but this guy was a real pro (who, of course, had some serious issues). While it took well over an hour for him to pack everything up while we and the police stood over him, he actually asked me “does this mean I’m fired?”.
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I was traveling on business, exhausted from a hectic week and long cross country flight. I woke up in the middle of the night having to go to the bathroom. I accidentally opened the door to the hotel hallway instead of the bathroom. Oh no! There I was with nothing on and no door key! What do I do? My boss, the CEO of the company was next door…. But I CAN”T knock on his door… There was an emergency phone in the hallway… I called the front desk – told them what happened and begged the guy to come up to my room – and open the door – keep it propped open as I would be hiding behind the curtain at the end of the hallway until he left. Thank goodness, my plan worked! I now wear pj’s to bed while traveling.